5 Pop Culture Pigs We'd Sacrifice to the Beast from Lord of the Flies

5 Pop Culture Pigs We'd Sacrifice to the Beast from Lord of the Flies

The darkness of the Beast lurks inside us all, but perhaps it can be tamed with a little pork.

This month saw the release of Netflix's Lord of the Flies, a brand-new adaptation of William Golding's 1954 novel about the darkness inherent in the human heart. The Netflix series is every bit as gritty and grimy as the book, which narrates the gradual breakdown of law and order amongst a group of young boys trapped on a desert island. The protagonist, Ralph, stresses the importance of minding a signal fire until help spots it and arrives, whereas antagonist Jack Merridew would rather lead gruesome pig-hunting parties. Can Ralph retain his hold on his meager sliver of civilization, or will Jack put his head on a pike before the boys are rescued? Vote now on your phones!

Lord of the Flies explores the theme of paranoia. As the island's society breaks down, the kids start whispering about a monster, a "Beast," that stalks them all from the jungle. The older boys scoff at the suggestion, but Jack starts to wonder if there's not something out there, watching him. He tries to appease the Beast by leaving it a portion of whatever he hunts: the iconic head of a wild sow on a stake.

Was there ever truly a monster, or was that a vision born of them radiating humankind's innate darkness like so much teenage B.O.? Nah. We’re not high school English teachers. We’d rather talk about five pop culture pigs whose heads would make excellent sacrifices to the Darkness. Who's to say Beelzebub doesn't appreciate trendy offerings from time to time?   

Pigma from Star Fox

Pigma Dengar, a space outlaw, flies with the dangerous Star Wolf mercenary team in 1997's Star Fox 64. Before he joined Star Wolf, Pigma flew with the Star Fox team under James McCloud and betrayed the team for an undisclosed number of space silver pieces. Pigma's betrayal resulted in the death of James, but not his son. who developed a sudden appetite for vengeance. We'll get a chance to hear the story again when the new Star Fox game hits the Switch 2 on June 25. The moment Pigma ducks out to visit the head, we can throw a bag over him, drag him to the jungle, and offer his money-grubbing head to Darkness. We're sure they'll get along. 

Peppa Pig's Dad

Thoughts and prayers to anyone who's a parent these days, because Peppa Pig seems to be the insufferable new thing kids love. Or is she? Bluey might've stolen the pig's thunder. Look, these are the kind of fandom battles you gladly stay out of when you're child-free. Anyway, Peppa Pig was sired by "Daddy Pig," who is very…bristly? Peppa's Pop has a permanent 5 o'clock shadow that looks a little sloppy, to be honest. Yes, we're bristle-shaming pigs now. Off with Daddy's head... but not before we ask a Turkish barber to introduce him to a flaming towel.

Napoleon from the new Animal Farm Movie

You might recall, amongst the usual daily horrors, that Seth Rogen was cast as Napoleon the pig in a new adaptation of Animal Farm. You didn't mishear, nor did you experience a fleeting fever dream: There was a new animated Animal Farm movie directed by Andy Serkis, and it wasn't exactly a scathing Orwellian commentary on the failures of capitalism and fascism. It wasn't a commentary about much of anything at all, really. It dipped in and out of theaters without making a ripple, and all we have now is the memory of Rogen grunt-giggling over the word "[s]laughterhouse." Someone, please, feed him to the Beast.    

Ganon, King of Darkness

Ganon is the big ol' pig at the end of a great many Legend of Zelda games. This Triforce-stealing porker was twisted into the form of a boar for the sin of coveting Power. In 1986's very first The Legend of Zelda, Ganon appears as a blue boar who slings dangerous magic. In Zelda II: The Adventure of Link, Ganon only appears as a silhouette to chuckle at you when that one Octorok manages to push you off a narrow ledge and into the lava again, thereby leaving you with zero lives and a giddy Ganon. Yeah, off with his head. It'll be a big job, but Link has a big(goron) sword.

Porky Pig

We don't have anything against Porky. We wish for him to remain alive, and to keep thriving in whatever pigpen Warner Bros. set him up in. But neither can we dismiss the potential humor in hearing Porky's famous stutter declare "A-bie-a-bie-a-bi-That's All, Folks!" before seeing his head sliced clean off his pink shoulders.